life lessons

An interesting thing about my new mindset, new way of looking at the world, is that I notice things and think about them in a different way. It used to be, "Why me?!?!" and now it's more, "What am I supposed to be learning here?"

3 weeks ago I was laid off. My contract was coming to an end and I knew it was a possibility, but had a bit of hope that they might see how fantastic I am and not want to lose me as an employee. These things may have been the case, but budgetary constraints rule the world these days.

I won't say it hasn't been hard and I haven't felt down, bored, and lonely at times. However, when I focus on Masonry, study, talk with my mentors, etc, I feel excitement at what is to come. I realize that my life is being opened up for something better. Doubt only creeps in when my mind becomes idle. If I focus on good things and good thoughts, I feel great.

The funny thing is that I've had some pretty crummy experiences. Daddy issues which led to BAD relationship choices, letting men take advantage of me, letting men treat me like shit. Every time something crappy happened and I went through pain which drove me to leave, I would meet another guy that was a bit of a jerk, but not so bad as the last, and it's improved more and more as time went on. My employment experience has been much the same. Every job has been progressively better, the ending has been more positive, and even more so if I have had the sense to leave before things got ugly.

I suppose I could look at these events in my life and focus on how tough things have been, but I don't. I mean, on some level I suppose I feel I've had a smidge more than my fair share (until I think about others who have had worse) of hard times, but when it comes down to it, I know that every experience was for a reason. Since things are improving over time, I must be learning the lessons I need to learn. That's a comfort. Even knowing to look at it like that is a comfort.

I've never been a religion person (fyi, Freemasonry is not a religion) but I've also thought it must be nice to have the comfort it affords. I'm feeling pretty thankful to have a little piece of that for myself, and having it be based on something that I can see and understand.